Slipping Through the Cracks
by EternallyEC
Summary: NOW COMPLETE!Summary: Natalie is slipping shortly after the Cristian reveal can John stop her from slipping through the cracks? EXTREMELY JOLIE, JoVans be warned! Also extremely PRO LIFE
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing, don't sue!

Author's Note: This story came to me while I was reading BeccaGirl's "Ever Afters" on Kindred Spirits

Summary: Natalie is slipping shortly after the Cristian reveal; can John stop her from slipping through the cracks?

A/N2: Flashbacks are in italics; also takes place a few months after where the show is now (which is the day after John/Natalie's little adventure with the binoculars)

Also, I know the first chapter's kind of short but I wanted to get it down before I lost the concept.

Sadly I had to remove the quote since Becca never got back to me… Here's hoping she's doing well!

Dedications: To Becca for inspiring this entire story/series, whichever it becomes!

PLEASE REVIEW!

**Slipping Through the Cracks **

Natalie was lying on the couch trying to concentrate on an old movie that was playing, but it wasn't working. All that she could think about was John, and it was driving her crazy. She sighed and turned the TV off groaning with frustration as the memories rolled over her yet again…

"John?" Natalie walked into the hotel room surprised that he wasn't there. She'd gotten used to him being home when she came home from visiting with her mom and Jessica, but he was nowhere to be found. She frowned and sat at the kitchen table.

_Suddenly the phone rang. She grabbed it quickly. "Hello?" John's voice was crackly due to all the static on his cell. "Natalie? Look, something big has come up and I need to tell you about. Don't turn on the TV, don't answer the door or the phone, don't even listen to the radio until I get there okay?" She had frowned, worried. "How long are you going to be?" "Just another half-hour to an hour, I promise." She sighed. "Okay, baby. I love you." _

_She hung up the phone, unaware that twenty-five miles away John was standing silent beside Cristian Vega's body. "I love you too," he whispered, all too aware that she had broken the connection but not being able to stop himself. He hung the phone up and looked at the officers standing around him. "Come on, we've got to get him to the morgue."_

_Two hours later, John walked into the hotel room. Natalie was asleep on the couch with a baby blue throw over her. He smiled sadly. She was so beautiful that his arms ached from the need to hold her, then he reminded himself of what he had to tell her and forced the impulse to the back of his mind. He knelt beside the couch and smoothed her hair away from her face._

"_Hey gorgeous, time to wake up," he whispered in her ear. She sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him with her eyes still closed. "Why don't you wake me up?" His breath caught in his throat. "We need to talk." She groaned and sat up, stretching. She yawned and opened her eyes, rubbing the sleep from them. "Hey baby—Oh my god, what's wrong?" John was suddenly aware that he was sobbing, and he tried to stop but couldn't._

_Natalie slid to the floor and took him into her arms stroking his hair gently. "Hey, hey." She didn't let her terror communicate itself to him; whatever he had to talk to her about had to be bad. She had never seen him cry before; he never let himself cry he'd told her once. It made him lose his focus, that edge that kept him going day to day._

"_John?" He pulled back and wiped the tears away. "I have to tell you this before I completely lose it… Natalie, Cristian wasn't dead… but he is now." She didn't move, still looking into his eyes. "What? John, I think I need the whole story." She couldn't believe how calm she was being, and neither could John. He took his hand into his and held it tightly as he started from the beginning._

Natalie shook her head and stood up, she needed to get moving. Maybe that would help get her mind off of John. She nodded to herself as she put her hair up, trying not to notice how pale and thin her reflection in the mirror was.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	2. Chapter 2: John

**Slipping Through the Cracks **

**Part 2: John**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

John McBain was sitting in a dank bar miles from Llanview, drinking away his pain. It had been three months since he'd told Natalie the truth about her husband, but he still went over the events in his mind every day; hoping against hope he'd find something that Natalie had said or done on that day that might mean that he still had a chance. He sighed as he slammed the glass down. "Give me another." The bartender shook his head and refilled John's glass. "Last one, Johnny boy." 

John scowled at him. "Come on Kenny. I need this." He drained the glass in one gulp and slammed it down. Kenny shook his head. "Sorry. Boss's orders; you're not to get more than five refills. It's your own fault, the way you terrified that poor redhead last week." John squeezed his eyes shut trying not to remember the way he had kissed the girl, calling her Natalie and telling her that she really wanted to take him back, that she needed to…

He stood up to his feet. "Okay, Kenny." He slid a twenty across the bar towards him, then on an impulse slid another one. "That's for looking out for me." He turned and walked out the door before Kenny could say anything. After John was gone, Kenny smiled and laughed, shaking his head as he put the money in the cash register. "That must be some woman he lost," he said.

Natalie sat silently overwhelmed by the amazingly complex wool that John and Cris had pulled over her eyes. Cristian had been alive all this time, but he'd been on his way to tell her the truth when someone had apparently mugged and shot him. She began trembling, and John reached out to embrace her but she pulled back sharply. "Don't," she said brokenly, standing to her feet. "Natalie—" "Don't touch me!" she screamed, anger and pain evident in her voice, but even more so in her eyes…

_John felt his heart rip in two as he saw the contempt shining in her eyes. "You lied to me, John. You let me believe that my husband was dead… How can I forgive you for that?" Tears began pouring as she continued. "You held me in your arms every night while my husband was in Statesville Prison knowing that someone else was holding his wife…" She wiped her tears angrily away. "You let him rot in prison, John! It's your fault he's dead!" she screamed, then ran to the door, fumbling with the locks until she finally wrenched it open and hurried down the hallway._

_John's heart broke for her and for everything he'd done to her. This was why it was better to say at a distance from people; why it was better not to let anyone into your heart. He'd let her in, and now she was gone because he was an idiot. She was bleeding on the inside because of him, and he knew it. "I really did it this time," he mumbled, going for the nearest bottle of Jack Daniels._

John returned to the hotel room he had gotten after him and Natalie's break-up because the apartment was full of too many memories of her. It was a quiet little hotel just a few miles outside of Llanview, because he hadn't felt like going to any of Natalie's family… Roxy owned the Angel Square Hotel and Renee owned the Palace, which left him no options for lodgings in Llanview. He wavered slightly in the doorway of his room, looking at the sparse furnishings. Natalie had made their old apartment warm and it had been fully furnished, something that he missed.

He shook his head and walked in, slamming the door behind him and shedding his clothes as he went. By the time he made it to the bed he was wearing only his pants. He crawled in underneath his covers and shut his eyes, wishing that every time he did so he wouldn't see that last glimpse he'd had of her face… She'd looked at him with hatred in her eyes, and it burned his heart.

Two weeks after Natalie had found out about Cristian, she still refused to see John or go anywhere that she had been with him. John was going crazy without seeing her, so he had gone to Llanfair. Viki opened the door. "John," she said surpass and anger in her voice. "Please, Mrs. Davidson. You have every right to be angry at me but I have to see Natalie."

To his surprise Viki opened the door so he could walk in. "She's in the library. Tread lightly," she advised as she went upstairs. John walked over to the library doors and with a deep breath opened them. Natalie was on the couch; legs curled up underneath her. Her hair was swept back into a ponytail with a few strands gently curling around her face. John swallowed hard, thinking of how gorgeous she looked.

Suddenly she turned to face him, not bothering to hide the fact that she had been crying. There was anger and pain in her voice, as she demanded, "What the hell are you doing here?" He nervously put his hands on his hips unconsciously, and she laughed bitterly. "What?" Her eyes softened as she looked at him, and her voice was wistful as she replied, "You always do that when you're upset or hell just anytime."

"Can I sit down?" The softness disappeared as she waved to the seat across from her. "Be my guest, but make it quick." He took the seat she had indicated and took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair. "I'm going to make this fast but I want you to know exactly what happened." "You lied to me and my husband ended up dead. What's left to explain?" she asked coldly. He reached out and grabbed her hand without thinking about it.

She looked down at their entwined hands coolly, but John didn't let go. He began rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb as he continued. "Cristian didn't want you to waste your life waiting for him, and I didn't want to see you waste away like I've seen so many other women do when their husband is in jail… I know I was wrong and I should have given you that choice. It was my misguided attempt to protecting you, and I'm sorry." He looked at her eyes, which were still cold and hard.

"Finished?" she sneered. John nodded and she jerked her hand away. "That's all well and good, but you deserve to suffer John. Cristian-**my** Cristian-died alone on a street corner because you kept the truth from me. I never want to see you again." She glared at him. "I think you need to go." He nodded silently and stood to his feet. When he reached the door he turned around slowly to look at her. "I'll always love you, Natalie." He turned and slowly walked out. Natalie's heart cried out for her to stop him but she knew she couldn't forgive him yet… or possibly ever.

_TO BE CONTINUED_


	3. Chapter 3: WakeUp Call

**Slipping Through the Cracks**

**Part 3: Wake-Up Call**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

**Author's Note: Okay, the title for this chapter is lame, I apologize. I haven't started writing yet which is unusual for me because I tend to write the chapter and then add the note, but oh well.**

**I hope you guys like this because if it goes where I think it's going I'm going to need all the support I can get to keep writing it… And a LOT of hugs:)**

**Dedications: To Dana for inspiring me to another cliffhanger with her last chapter :) YOU ROCK!**

Natalie was lying in bed staring blankly at the wall for the third day in a row when Viki knocked softly on the door. "Come in," she called flatly, not turning as her mother walked in. "Natalie, you've got to stop doing this to yourself sweetie." "Doing what Mom?" Viki moved to where she was in her daughter's view and gestured for her to sit up. With a sigh Natalie complied, and she sat down beside her.

"Sweetie, I know that you want to stay angry at John but look at what it's doing to you. You haven't eaten well in months, you're not sleeping…" Natalie looked down when she heard Viki's voice break and saw the tears in her eyes. "Mom, please don't," she pleaded, tears springing to her eyes as well.

Viki took her into her arms. "Sweetie, you have to take a step back and look at this objectively. Do you love John?" Natalie nodded almost imperceptibly against her mother's chest. "Mom, I do. I've tried so hard to stop. I've tried to hate him. I'm so ashamed of myself." There was a note of pleading and guilt in her voice that made Viki tighten her grip. "Honey, you have nothing to be ashamed of." Natalie's eyes were filled with tears as she pulled back and looked straight at Viki. "Mom, I almost slept with John just months after I thought Cristian died. Then I was sleeping with him while my husband was in Statesville Prison and John knew. What kind of person does something like that?"

Viki squeezed her hand gently as she replied, "Sweetie, you are not a bad person. You loved Cristian as much as a person can love, and how are you to be held responsible for something that you had no idea about? As for John, he holds part of the blame but you need to think about who deserves the brunt of it." "But Mom, Cristian is dead. I can't blame him and I can't do what I want to him." "What is it that you want to do?" Natalie remained silent. "Honey, it's okay to talk about it, let the rage out."

Natalie's eyes narrowed and her voice was bitter as she replied, hatred clear in her voice, "I want to scream at him, I want to hit him until he feels all the pain that I'm feeling, but I can't because he's dead! Damn him!" she screamed, anguish and anger clear in her voice, mixing together to create a wail haunting enough to make Viki clutch her to her chest again. "Shhh, honey, let it out…" Viki rocked her daughter helplessly, wishing she could do anything to relieve her pain…

Three days later, Viki had had to go out of town for a business meeting and had asked Jessica to keep an eye on Natalie. She had a bad feeling about leaving, but there was no way to avoid it. Duke had screwed up a lot of major accounts and it was going to be all she could do to keep their most high-profile clients from going to the tabloids.

Jessica had moved into Llanfair until Viki got back, and she was determined to see a smile on her sister's face, hence her dragging a dance pad and copy of Dance Dance Revolution up to her room. Natalie did grin when she saw her sister's attempts to dance, and then laughed out loud as she tried to "do the wobble."

Jessica glared at her. "This isn't funny. Come on, you try." Natalie smirked, and for a minute it seemed she was back to her old self. "Let me at it!" She took Jessica's place on the dance mat and did the exact same routines, getting a perfect score every time. She laughed as Jessica glared at her from the bed, arms crossed over her chest in a silent pout. "I hate you."

Natalie grinned back, but it disappeared as she felt a sharp pain rip through her stomach. She collapsed to the ground, moaning and clutching her stomach protectively. Jess was at her side in an instant. "Natalie?" "Oh god… The baby!" was all Natalie managed before she passed out…

_TO BE CONTINUED_


	4. Chapter 4: Decisions and Heartbreak

**Slipping Through The Cracks**

**Part 4: Decisions and Heartbreak**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

Jessica had ridden in the ambulance with Natalie, who was now in the examination room with her obstetrician who said she had known about her pregnancy for a little over a month but had kept it quiet because she was terrified everyone would look down on her for it. Jessica paced the hospital floor as she periodically tried to get a hold of Viki or Antonio. Finally giving up about an hour of arriving, she swallowed her pride and called the number Michael had given her weeks before with the strict instructions that if anything happened to Natalie or she wanted to speak to John, to call it.

The phone rang and she had almost lost her nerve and hung up when John answered the phone. "Hello?" he said, speech slurred. Jessica's heart sank with disappointment. "Damn it John, of all the times for you to be drunk—" "Is it Natalie?" he asked, instantly alert. "Yes. There's some really bad things happening down here John, and I can't get a hold of anybody else. You need to call a cab and get down here now." John was already headed to the door. "I'm on my way." He hung up and Jessica sighed.

"God Natalie, what else have you been hiding?" she murmured, glancing at the door to the examination room with worry. Suddenly strong arms encircled her waist. "Hey, gorgeous." Jessica turned to see Nash standing behind her. "Hey!" She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. "God Nash it was horrible… I'm so glad you got my messages!" Jessica played the part well, parting her lips in a soft pout and widening her eyes dramatically as she tried to gain Nash's attention and sympathy.

Half an hour later, inside the examination room, Natalie stirred as the doctor was putting everything away. "Dr. Stein? What are you doing here?" she asked weakly. The doctor smiled gently at her as she walked over. "You had a pain in your stomach at Llanfair and collapsed. Jessica brought you here directly afterwards. I'm afraid she knows your condition now—Not by my admission," she hurried to add, seeing the glower on Natalie's face. "Then how?" "Before collapsing you groaned something about your baby and she overheard."

"My baby?" Natalie placed a hand on her stomach as she waited for her answer, but before it could come the door opened and John rushed in. He sat in the chair beside the bed and Natalie's face momentarily showed her shock and happiness at seeing him, but she quickly rearranged her features so that they showed only a cool mask of indifference. "Natalie, I have to—" She cut him off with an impatient wave of her hand and focused on Dr. Stein again. "Is he all right?" John looked confused but kept his mouth shut.

Dr. Stein shook her head. "He's alive, but he may have some brain damage or another serious condition that would require either surgery or…" She shook her head sadly, intentionally leaving the sentence unfinished. "I'll leave you two alone, I'm sure you have some things to discuss." She walked out of the room as Natalie looked at John. "You look confused as hell," she whispered. "I guess it's because I am." Natalie took a deep breath that was interrupted by a tiny foot kicking her. She laughed hysterically with relief and tears began pouring as she pressed both hands to her belly, thankful beyond thankful that her precious baby had survived.

Seeing John looking frightened, she smiled and took his hand, placing it right on the spot where their child was kicking the crap out of her. He jerked backward, looking terrified. "Is that—Are you--?" She smiled and ducked her head down shyly as she continued laughing. "Yes, we are pregnant." John couldn't speak as a sense of wonder and deep regret came over him. "Natalie, I'm—I'm sorry for what I did to you." She shook her head. "I'm not ready for that talk yet… Before we have any kind of talk I want to go see a counselor. Mom and I decided it's the best course of action for me. Right now, all I want to do is celebrate the fact that our child is still alive and that you are finally back where you belong—with me."

Smiling, she put his hand on her stomach again, and he pressed his face into her belly as he began to cry softly. Natalie stroked his hair as tears streamed down her face. "I know we have a lot of work to do before we can be together again," she whispered. He looked up at her, not daring to hope. "You mean… You would take me back?" She took his free hand and kissed the palm. "I love you John McBain. Always have, always will. But we have got to learn to trust one another or this is never going to work. Like I said, we have a lot of work to do but we'll get through it together."

TO BE CONTINUED

_This story has gone in such a different direction than it began in... But I kind of like the direction it's going in because it's starting to wrap itself up :) _

_And I couldn't help myself HAD to have the whole Messica cheating thing hope you enjoyed that! Teehee no it was NOT a typo she was trying to call Antonio. ;)_


	5. Chapter 5: Getting There

**Slipping Through the Cracks**

**Part Five: Getting There **

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

Two months later, Natalie had an individual therapy session twice a week, as did John. They also had a session together once a week to talk about everything they had been through. They were making major breakthroughs according to Dr. Charles Welkes, so they decided to celebrate by going to Rodi's. 

When they got there, the lights were all turned off and nobody was inside. Natalie frowned. "That's strange." Her puzzled expression only got more so when John pulled out a key and unlocked the door. "I thought we could have a private celebration without anyone else around… This really means a lot to us you know?" Natalie smiled, touched beyond words. "Yeah, I do." She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks." 

John grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. "It's the least I could do." He closed the door and locked it as Natalie drew the blinds. She had a feeling that something was going to happen tonight that she really wouldn't want anyone to witness. John couldn't help but smile as she closed the blinds, knowing she must be feeling the same thing he was—tonight was going to be their night. 

" So what exactly what were you planning on doing tonight McBain?" Natalie's eyes twinkled with excitement. "Well, I thought we would start off with a burger." Natalie smiled and laughed as the baby kicked just as John said 'burger.' "You know us so well." John went behind the counter and got the burgers Mac had cooked just moments earlier before jumping ship. 

They sat in companionable silence as they ate. When they finished, John pulled her to feet and then used the momentum to bring her flush against his body. "Now, how about a game of pool?" Natalie's voice was husky, she could feel John's arousal rubbing against her as she replied, "You're on." She pulled away and walked over to the pool table. 

Suddenly her eyes lit up. "I have an idea." "Should I be nervous?" Natalie laughed as she replied, "Quite possibly. This could be better therapy than the one we're paying over two hundred dollars an hour for. Every shot you miss, you have to reveal something about your past." A bit of the light faded as she saw the fear pass briefly through John's eyes. "Never mind… It was a stupid idea. Let's just play." 

Hearing the disappointment in her voice, John replied, "No, I think you're right. It'll be better than the therapy we've got now, plus it might help you understand why I am the way I am… But maybe we should do it a different way." Natalie smiled her thanks at him as she asked, "What way are you thinking about?" "Every shot we miss, the other gets to ask a question, and no matter how hard it is we have to answer." Their eyes locked in a gaze of heat and wariness, both of them knew this game could be very dangerous. Natalie mulled it over and then nodded. "You're on." 

" Ladies break." John smiled as he watched Natalie take her position. The balls scattered and three striped balls went in. She smiled at him gently, knowing that he knew what he was up against and still wanted to do this for her. She aimed again but the baby kicked just as she shot. "Ooh!" She rubbed her belly. "You're on Daddy's side aren't you?" They laughed. "You can have a do-over if you want." Natalie tossed her hair back and looked at John. "No, fair is fair. What did you want to ask me?" 

TO BE CONTINUED 


	6. Chapter 6: Questions, Answers, and More

**Slipping Through the Cracks**

**Part 6: Questions, Answers, and More**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

_Author's Note: I don't know if the show addressed the whole issue about when Allison told Nat about her true paternity but if they did oh well. This is my version. : )_

_Also, this is PTS (pool table smut) but it has valid plot points so I cleaned it up for posting on here. If you're interested in seeing the original NC-17 version email me! _

Recap: John and Natalie are pregnant and together (also in therapy) after the Cris reveal. They're at Rodi's thanks to Mac letting them have it for the night and playing pool. When one of them misses a shot the other asks a question because John wants to let her in. Natalie just missed her shot. 

Previously: 

" _Ladies break." John smiled as he watched Natalie take her position. The balls scattered and three striped balls went in. She smiled at him gently, knowing that he knew what he was up against and still wanted to do this for her. She aimed again but the baby kicked just as she shot. "Ooh!" She rubbed her belly. "You're on Daddy's side aren't you?" They laughed. "You can have a do-over if you want." Natalie tossed her hair back and looked at John. "No, fair is fair. What did you want to ask me?"_

" Maybe we should start off with an easy one." Natalie held her arms out. "Bring it on McBain. I'm not chicken." John smirked. "No, that is definitely the last thing I would call you." He thought for a moment. "All right, how old were you when you lost your virginity?" She gave him a stern look and a head toss as she replied, "I was nineteen." John smiled at her aloof tone she was obviously trying to hide her embarrassment. 

" Okay, my shot." John bent over the pool table and Natalie casually moved behind him, moving in and putting her hands on his hips as he had once done to her. He jumped and missed the balls by miles. He turned to scowl at her but couldn't help smiling at the love he saw on her face. "Okay, your question." Natalie smiled as she absentmindedly rubbed her abdomen. "Hmm… I think what we want to know is when you knew you were in love with me." 

" You're letting me off easy aren't you? You don't have to do that." Natalie's arms snaked around his neck, as she whispered, "No I've always wondered." He put his arms around her waist and pulled her close as he replied, " Baby, I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you. I know that sounds cliched but I felt the sparks between us even then." Natalie smiled as he brought his lips down to hers. 

After a moment she pulled away and returned to pool table. "Come on, I'm not going to let you off that easy." She had just lined up her shot when she saw John casually walking her way. "Uh uh uh, McBain. Stay on your side of the table," she giggled. He looked disappointed as she made the ball into the pocket. She walked over to the other side of the table and gave John a look before leaning over to line up her shot. 

As John enjoyed the view, Natalie made her shot. The ball hit the side at an angle and bounced off. Natalie turned around. "Okay, let's hear it." John grinned at her and Natalie grinned back as she waited. "When did you find out you were a Buchanan?" "Well, I was about seventeen. I was at home alone doing my homework when someone knocked on the door. There was this total whack-job standing on my porch, but I didn't know it at the time." 

She took a deep breath and John slid his hand into hers, silently giving her some of his strength as the memory came back to her in full force. "She told me her name was Allison Perkins and that Roxanne wasn't my biological mom. Of course that made me very happy but I told her she would have to prove it. And thus began everything that led to this very moment." She smiled at him and kissed his cheek gently. 

The game passed quickly as they rid themselves of a few dark secrets neither had ever revealed to anyone before. Natalie had once stolen two hundred dollars from one of Roxy's boyfriends to pay the bills, which had resulted in her getting groped and almost raped if Roxy hadn't stumbled in at the wrong time. John had talked a lot about his dad and how he had done a number of stupid things rebelling after his death. 

Finally there was only one ball left on the table. Natalie eyed it nervously as John bent to make his shot. She had a very serious question to ask or she never would have done what she did next. Making sure John wasn't looking she walked up behind him and put her arms around him, her hand gliding down his chest to cup his arousal through his jeans. John swallowed and turned to her. "Natalie?" 

" I can't do this; it's too dirty, like something Roxy would do." She sighed. "Make your shot." Frowning, he turned around and did. The ball rolled into the pocket and Natalie inwardly groaned with disappointment. Seeing the pain on her face when he turned, John cupped her chin with his hand and forced her to meet his eyes. "Hey. You don't need a pool shot to ask me something you know. I want you to always be open with me, Natalie. Ask anything you need to and I swear I'll answer you. This is never going to work otherwise." 

Natalie's eyes widened with shock and joy as she threw her arms around his neck. "John that means more to me then you'll ever know," she whispered into his neck. He buried his face into his hair and inhaled deeply. "Ask your question first," Natalie murmured, suddenly frightened. John felt her tense and tightened his hold as he bent to whisper in her ear, "Will you marry me?" 

Natalie pulled back, eyes wide. "Did you really just ask that?" John nodded and she saw the terror in his eyes. "Of course I will… after you answer my question. "Which is?" John asked. Natalie brushed the bangs out of his face with tender fingers as she steeled herself. 

" When I was trying to convince myself that I hated you, did—" She swallowed hard and looked down. "I'm not so sure I want to ask this anymore," she whispered. John squeezed her hand. "Just ask, baby." She locked eyes with him again and whispered, "Did you care what I was doing to myself before you found out I was having the baby?" Seeing his body tense and his eyes shut down she let out a strangled sob. "Don't pull away from me, John. In my heart I think I know the answer but my head needs to know too." 

John closed his eyes and turned around, not letting go of Natalie's hand, which he held onto like a lifeline. After regaining control he turned back to her. "Natalie, I never stopped missing you. Every time I closed my eyes it was your face I saw. Your hair, your eyes…" He touched each part of her as he named them off. "Your nose, your sweet mouth…" He kissed her tentatively and she wrapped her arms around him deepening the kiss. 

They broke apart, foreheads pressed together as they breathed heavily and their tears mingled. "God John, I missed you so much," she whispered as she kissed him again, hands tugging his shirt up over his head. He reached behind her back and pulled at the tie on her halter-top, letting it slide to the ground. She wasn't wearing a bra, and John gazed at her heaving breasts. "Hello? Earth to McBain?" Natalie said teasingly. John met her eyes and the look she saw there took her breath away. 

" You're so beautiful." He reached out and cupped her breasts as he nipped at her bottom lip. She moaned as he lowered his mouth and his tongue flicked out to taste her nipple. She grasped at his hair, urging his head forward even as she pressed into him. "Hold on," John said, an idea dawning on him. Natalie smiled lustily. "What do I see lurking in that brain of yours?" 

" Well, I always had this fantasy involving the two of us I was hoping to eventually play out," he whispered. Natalie's pulse sped up. "Now see, I had a certain fantasy too…" she purred. "Does it involve this pool table?" John asked huskily. Natalie slowly ran her hand along the cool felt as she locked eyes with the man she loved more than anything. "Of course," she whispered. 

He lifted her up and set her on the table, taking the time to kiss her softly. He brushed her hair behind her ears as he began to kiss her neck. Her head fell back giving him full access. He slowly lay her back onto the table as he nipped and kissed his way down to the top of her jeans. He unbuttoned them as he teased her slightly rounded belly with his hands and lips and tongue. 

They rolled over, keeping in as close contact as they could manage. John softened and slid out of her as he kissed her closed eyelids. "That was so much better than I could have ever imagined… Natalie, I can't wait. Let's get married within the month." Natalie opened her eyes and reached out a finger, tracing his strong jaw line. "I think that sounds perfect," she whispered. 

TO BE CONTINUED 


	7. Chapter 7: Adjusting

**Slipping Through the Cracks**

**Part 7: Adjusting**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

Recap: John and Natalie are pregnant and together (also in therapy) after the Cris reveal. This is after a very revealing pool game where they both finally showed each other their full hands—no secrets left. They made love and John asked her to marry him within the month. Natalie (naturally) agreed. 

The next week everyone noticed how much brighter Natalie seemed to be, and it was almost like the months she and John had been apart had never truly happened. They were together every second possible, but they also made sure to set time aside for themselves. As much as it killed them both to be away from each other, they knew that it would be better for them to have some space, but they both seemed to know when enough was enough and would end up at the same place by some twist of fate. 

Their wedding date had been set exactly a month from that night at Rodi's, despite Jessica and Viki's attempts to have them push the date back just a little to have more time to prepare. Natalie knew that she and John had been apart for too long to waste any more time to worry about details that didn't really matter. She was currently sitting in the waiting room at the gynecologist's office flipping through an old issue of Parents' magazine and waiting for her turn when John walked in. She stood and threw her arms around him. 

" Hey, you're late. I was getting worried." He pulled back and kissed her forehead. "Would I let anything stop me from finding out the sex of our baby?" She smiled up at him as she tossed her hair back. "I guess not, especially since you're still hoping for a boy aren't you?" She touched his cheek softly taking any unintentional sting out of her words. 

John grinned at her. "You know me too well, huh?" "I know how much you want a son," she replied softly, taking his hand and placing it on her stomach. The baby kicked slightly at his touch and they both laughed. "He knows his daddy." John kissed her softly. "Thank you," he whispered, touching his forehead to hers. "I know that you'll love this baby whether it's a boy or girl, John. For what it's worth, I'm kind of hoping for a little boy myself." Just then the nurse came out. "Natalie Vega?" Natalie took John's hand and they walked into the examination room together. 

" Ms. Vega, your baby is in perfect health." The doctor smiled at the couple as they shared a relieved glance. "All of the problems that Dr. Stein warned you about are gone. I think you're going to have a beautiful healthy baby boy come May. I'll leave you two alone for a moment." Dr. Smith smiled at them and walked out. 

Natalie threw her arms around John's neck as tears sprang to his eyes. "We're having a son," he whispered, unable to believe it. "Yeah." Natalie laughed in amazement. "Who knew it would feel this great?" She placed a hand on her stomach and gazed at the screen. "God, he's so beautiful isn't he?" she whispered. John squeezed her hand and smiled. "Yeah, he is." 

Two weeks later John and Natalie were at Llanfair helping Viki and Jessica with the wedding preparations. "Okay, so. Which color do you like best for the place cards Natalie?" Jessica asked, holding up two almost-identical pieces of fabric. "I don't know, they look the same to me," Natalie quipped. "Maybe John and I should just go, you guys are the experts after all." She stood to her feet with John's help. "Natalie, you have to have some kind of input!" Jessica whined. "It's your own wedding!" 

Viki smiled at Natalie. "Go on, honey. You two have a good time and we'll go over our decisions with you later sweetie." She stood and embraced Natalie, kissing her on the cheek. "You take good care of my baby girl and my grandson or there'll be hell to pay." The twinkle in her eye let John breathe easy and he smiled as he replied, "You know I will." They embraced as Natalie and Jesse shared a look. Viki may not have had an easy time accepting John back into the family but now she treated him as another son. 

" Come on, let's go. I'm dying for a burger!" John raised an eyebrow at her. "Impatient are we?" She rubbed her belly and nodded. "Yes, your son and I are starving so feed us already, Daddy." She smiled at the look in his eyes as she took his hand and led him outside. "What's going through your mind?" He took her hand and kissed the back of it gently. "Daddy… I never thought I'd be called that. Hell, I never thought I wanted to be called that. But then you came along…" His voice broke and she leaned up to kiss him tenderly. 

" Want to know something?" He looked at her. "What?" "I never wanted kids either. When the doctor told me I was pregnant I thought I wanted an abortion." Her voice broke as she lowered her eyes so as not to meet his gaze. John lifted her chin and made her meet his gaze. Her blue eyes were filled with pain and tears as she waited for John's reaction. He simply kissed her softly and waited for her to continue. 

" I haven't told anyone else, not even Dr. Welkes. I made it to the center, even into the room. Then I saw all the instruments and the table…" She shuddered. "I knew I couldn't go through with it, so I got the hell out of there. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for even thinking about it." "What made you want to do it?" John asked, sure he already knew the answer. She met his eyes feeling overcome with emotion, unable to believe that he wasn't getting angry. 

" I wanted you to feel like I did when I found out about Cris," she whispered. "I wanted you to feel so hurt, so angry that I didn't give you a choice. But it wasn't until I got there that it hit me—this baby is innocent in all of that, which I've forgiven you for anyway." She began to cry softly and John pulled her to him, kissing the top of her head gently. "Shhh, baby." He pulled her away to look her in the eyes. "I understand. The important thing is that you didn't go through with it." "But what the hell kind of a mother can I be? I tried to kill my baby!" 

Her eyes widened as it hit her full force, and her hands went to her stomach protectively. "Oh my god," she murmured. John helped her sit down in a chair as he sat down across from her, holding her hands tightly. He brought them to his lips and kissed them. She looked at him, the expression on her face a mixture of fear and disgust. "How can you even look at me right now John?" He smoothed the hair back from her face and tenderly wiped the tears away. "Natalie, you didn't do anything. You went, but you couldn't go through with it, you never could do something like that. You wouldn't let yourself, baby." 

Natalie threw herself into his arms and he rocked her gently, rubbing her back soothingly with one hand and stroking her hair with the other. "Shhh, it's okay," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head fiercely. She mumbled something against his chest. "What?" She pulled back and gently touched his face. "I didn't think you would ever be able to forgive me for that," she whispered. "Baby, I've done much worse. What's past is past. You and our son are here and that's all I want to concentrate on right now." She smiled at him. "I don't know how I got this lucky, and I sure as hell don't know how you got to be Mr. Openness, but I like it." He grinned. "It's all thanks you and that shrink of ours." They kissed. 

TO BE CONTINUED 


	8. Chapter 8: Crashing Down

**Slipping Through the Cacks **

**Chapter 8: Crashing Down**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

Natalie looked at herself nervously in the mirror and smoothed her dress down. "This is it," she murmured to herself. She had picked a beautiful blue dress in a sundress cut, and she was wearing sandals that were just dressy enough. Natalie sighed and closed her eyes fighting back her nervousness. Funny, she hadn't felt this when she married Cristian. She forced herself to open her eyes and smile at her reflection. 

Jessica and Viki had done a gorgeous job on her she had to admit. They'd descended like vultures at seven o'clock that morning and immediately set to work. A still-exhausted Natalie had let them do what they wanted; knowing it would be easier on all of them in the end. They had conditioned her hair until it shone in its' natural soft waves, per John's requests. Her make-up was light, but what had taken the most time for them to get just right was the accessories. Jessica had insisted she wear the traditional something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. 

Viki had let her borrow her blue earrings that Ben had bought her, taking care of two of the requirements. Natalie had thanked her with tears in her eyes, knowing those earrings were the last thing Ben had ever bought her. Then Jessica had given her a charm bracelet from when she was eight years old for the something old. Finally, John had bought her the 'something new,' a gorgeous gold choker with blue strands intertwined. But the best thing was the note, which read: "To Natalie, I'm so lucky to be making you my wife today, thank you for never giving up. Love, John" 

And now the moment was almost here. Her breath caught in her throat as she realized that in just an hour she would be Mrs. John McBain. "Natalie McBain," she murmured, her hand going to gently touch the choker. She smiled at her reflection and laughed softly at the girlish look in her eyes. "I can definitely live with that." Just then, Viki walked in. "Sweetheart, it's almost time." Natalie smiled. "Is Dad ready?" Viki nodded. "He's waiting for you outside the doors." Mother and daughter embraced. "Thank you for everything, Mom." Viki kissed her cheek. "You have only yourself to thank sweetheart." 

Suddenly music began to play, signaling the beginning of the ceremony "It's time!" "Hurry, go." Viki went to take her seat in the church as Natalie came behind her to meet Clint. "You look gorgeous darlin'." She smiled. "Thank you, Dad. Ready for this?" He kissed her cheek gently. "Ready to give you away again? Not on your life. I'm going to stay in Llanview for a while this time, get to know my baby girl. I'm sorry I haven't been in your life but that's going to change starting now." Natalie smiled at him as she linked her arm through his. "That means a lot to me, Dad." 

Half an hour later, it was time to recite the vows each had written. Natalie took a deep breath as she waited for John to start. "Natalie, we've known each other for a long time, and we've known we were meant to be together almost as long as that. I don't think either of us would have chosen the path we've taken to get here because it's been a long, hard road for each of us, but I have to say that the reward is just that much sweeter for all we have suffered through. I love you, Natalie." A ripple went through the crowd and Natalie's blue eyes were swimming with tears. 

Joey indicated for Natalie to begin. She took a deep breath and fanned herself making the guests laugh. "I'm gonna kill you for making me cry right when I'm supposed to give my vows," she sniffled, laughing. She sucked in a deep breath and the church went silent as she began, gazing into his eyes. "John, I have waited for so long to hear those words, and now that I have the feeling is just indescribable. We have been through so much together and I think our relationship is stronger for it. Thank you for always being there when it counted." 

Joey smiled at his sister. "And now by the power vested in me—" Suddenly a voice rang out through the air. "STOP! This wedding cannot happen!" 

TO BE CONTINUED 


	9. Chapter 9: All Fall Down

**Slipping Through the Cracks**

**Chapter 9: All Fall Down**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers**

Recap: Five months after the Cris reveal Natalie is pregnant (by John obviously). She and John have been in therapy and she revealed that she considered having an abortion. Their wedding has begun but someone interrupted just as Joey was about to pronounce them husband and wife…

Author's Note: Okay this story has maybe one or two chapters left I'm thinking; please let me know how you're liking it! 

The church was in an uproar, and Natalie squeezed her eyes shut as her breath caught in her throat. This isn't happening, someone tell me this isn't happening. She opened her eyes and John grabbed her hand instinctively at the sight of the tears shining there. They turned together to face the source of all the commotion, Evangeline Williamson waving a gun. "Oh my god," Natalie whispered, her thoughts instantly going to her son. She touched her stomach and John made a small gesture for her to get down. 

As Natalie knelt on the floor hoping against hope that Evangeline would come to her senses, John began to slowly walk over to his ex. "Evangeline—" "Stop where you are!" she screamed, pointing the gun straight at him. He stopped with his hands in the air, trying his best to ignore Natalie's sobs behind him. Stay strong, I'm not going to let her hurt any of us, especially not you and our son. He swallowed as he concentrated on going into cop mode. 

" Evangeline, what are you doing?" Evangeline looked at John as tears filled her eyes. "I just wanted you to love me," she pleaded in a soft tone. "Evangeline—" John said warily as he saw Antonio and Bo stand up and begin walking silently towards her back. She whirled around. "Stop! You are not going to stop me!" She pointed the gun at Natalie, and in that instant the cop was gone. "Evangeline," John said softly. He was more than willing to play dirty if it would stop Natalie from being hurt. She kept the gun pointed tremblingly at Natalie. "What?" 

" Evangeline, stop. Let's leave together. I've missed you baby. I was only with Natalie because of the baby but she can handle him on her own." He held his hands out and Evangeline's eyebrows knit together as she tried furiously to make sense of everything. "Do you really mean that?" John nodded. "Just put the gun down and we can go start our new lives together." He caught Natalie's eyes and tried to communicate how much he loved her. Evangeline, of course, believe that the gaze was meant for her and it was the key to unlocking her defenses. 

She threw the gun onto the ground and ran into John's arms. As he held her at arm's length and called for someone to arrest her, the gun went off and everyone screamed. In the short moment of silence before the mayhem would begin, a voice rang out in pain as the bullet hit… 

TO BE CONTINUED 


	10. Chapter 10: Reassurances

**Slipping Through the Cracks **

**Chapter 10: Reassurances**

**See Part 1 for disclaimers **

**Author's Note: This was supposed to have another chapter to it, but since the muse told me to stop I stopped.**

**Dedication: To Bethany for the identity of the person who was shot! Thanks!**

John was at Natalie's side in an instant. "Natalie, baby can you hear me?" She opened her eyes. "John? Who got shot?" John pressed his forehead to hers as he shook with silent sobs. "God, I thought it was you." They looked over to where Evangeline was being handcuffed. There was also a crowd in the center of the church, and that was where John headed after kissing Natalie, reassuring himself that she was all right. "Who was shot?" 

Bo moved aside to reveal Michael lying still on the plush red carpeting. John felt his knees give way as he fell to the ground beside his brother. "Michael?" Just then the paramedics came pushing through. "Excuse me sir." John was pushed back to observe helplessly. Gentle arms slipped around his waist as his hot tears continued to fall. He heard Natalie's soft intake of breath as she saw who was being put on the stretcher. "Michael…" John turned and buried his face in her hair. They followed the stretcher outside and clung to each other like a lifeline until one of the EMT's called out, "Who's riding?" John pulled back from Natalie. "Baby—" She smiled and kissed his tears away. "Go. I'm right behind you." 

John touched her cheek softly in thanks before going to get in the ambulance. Natalie held her tears back until the ambulance turned the corner, then she gave them free reign as she embraced herself. "Natalie—" She turned and threw herself into her mother's arms as she trembled. Viki stroked Natalie's hair as she tried to comfort her to the best of her ability. A moment later Natalie pulled back. "Can you take me to the hospital?" she asked waveringly. Viki nodded and kissed her cheek. "Of course I will baby." 

Natalie wiped her smeared makeup off as best she could before going to the waiting room. She knew that she had to be strong for John, he needed her. He was the first person she saw when she walked into the room, he was sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. She knelt on the floor in front of him and gently moved his hands, kissing him softly before moving his head to her breast. His arms wrapped around her as he drew comfort from her small gesture of love. 

John slid to the ground, needing to be as close to Natalie as possible. He tangled his hands in her hair as he moved back, touching his forehead to hers softly. "Thank you," he whispered. She smiled sadly as she kissed him. "You've picked me up enough times, John. It's my turn." He placed his hand on her stomach and smiled as the baby kicked under his touch. 

" Thank you for not going after Evangeline yourself," he said. "I don't know if I could have survived losing you two." Natalie put her hand over John's, cupping his cheek with her other hand. "Baby, I wasn't going to put our son in danger. Otherwise you know I would have been kicking her ass." They laughed. 

Just then Spencer Truman came out of the OR. Natalie and John stood as quickly as they could. "Is he going to be okay?" John asked, voice breaking. Natalie took his hand and squeezed it tightly. He gave her a grateful look as Spencer replied, "Initially we didn't think he was going to make it, but your little brother is quite the fighter." John's shoulders visibly relaxed at the news. "Yeah, he is. So he's going to be okay?" "He's going to be very sore for a long while and might have some problems during recovery, but I think he's going to be just fine. Now if you'll excuse me I need to check on my other patients." He walked away. 

Natalie threw her arms around John's middle and hugged him tightly. "He's going to be okay," she murmured. "God, I don't know what either of us would do without him." John kissed the top of her head. "I don't either." He shook his head and chuckled. Natalie looked up at him smiling. "What?" "Nothing." At her look he relented. "Fine. It's just kind of funny—he was the one who wanted you to leave me alone because he thought Evangeline was the woman for me, and now she shot him." John shrugged as Natalie stared at him for a minute, then her laughter rang throughout the waiting room. 

" Only you would look at it that way," she giggled, shaking her head and standing up on her tiptoes to give him a quick kiss. She led him back to the chairs and they sat. "What are we doing?" John asked. Natalie raised her eyebrow. "I know you're not going to leave until you see your brother, thought we might as well be comfortable through the wait." She pulled a take-out bag from Rodi's from her tote and grinned as John's eyes lit up. "I love you, Natalie Vega." She smiled and kissed him. "I know, but I'll never get tired of hearing you say it." 

THE END 


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